I have found that this year has held both the best experiences of my life and the worst.
I began the year in the best possible way…by bidding adieu to my life as a spinster.
On one breezy, spring afternoon, I laced myself into a pretty white dress…and went for a stroll.
There are some people that will tell you that getting married doesn’t feel any different, especially if you’ve already been together for a long time. But I find that I disagree. There was something about that leisurely stroll…when the world seemed to stop and Jess took my hand and asked me to be his wife, now and forevermore. In that moment, I felt the gentle shift as ‘I’ became ‘We’ and realized with certainty and great comfort that I would never again face life’s struggles alone. There is something very empowering about that knowledge…though little did I know that I would be calling upon it so soon.
When I lost my father, I found myself standing before a dark abyss of grief…teetering on the edge, staring into the vast blackness that was filled with my heartache, my anguish...my rage. There were moments when I felt like the ground beneath me was going to crumble and send me toppling in…other times I flirted with the thought of jumping in and letting the darkness consume me. Even now, with the pain still fresh and having to face my 33rd birthday in two days time without my father…I find that I am a woman come undone. The only reason I am able to continue to tell my story is because Jess trails behind me, catching the bits of me that fall away…holding them safely until sleep takes me and he can put me back together again.
He’s a good man, that husband of mine. He is also someone you know.
Nearly five years ago…I started this little blog. Can anyone remember why?
Yes, that’s right. Because of a broken heart.
It is with a bemused smile that I tell you, that the man who broke my heart and spawned this blog…is the same one who has been patiently putting me back together the last few weeks.
It is amazing what a few years apart and a lot of growing up will do for you. :o)
Alas, I never thought the day would come but my time as a spinster is officially over and therefore, it is with a heavy heart that I realize it is time to bring this blog to an end.
…Fear not! While I may have conquered the Spinster World, there’s a whole new world of adventures awaiting me as a newlywed. Please join me as I take on…The Rookie Wife Diaries
Today is my first day to catch my breath since we lost my Dad. His wish was to be cremated so we honored his wishes and held a Memorial on Tuesday. To be fair, it was the nicest one I'd ever been to...Pastor Hughes was wonderful, especially considering that we'd just met. And our family did a good job pulling together to create a slide show and a photo collage to be displayed with other pictures of Dad throughout the funeral home. I wrote his obit...finished it Father's Day morning, and then a few of us took the time to write our fondest memories of Dad, which the pastor read aloud and turned out to be pretty funny and bittersweet. Below is mine...it doesn't translate as well in print, it's a lot funnier when you read it aloud with a little exasperation from my end. :o) And here's the link to Dad's Obit
One of the things I loved the most about my Dad was his boundless enthusiasm for things in life.Some men are into cars, some are into sports, my Dad…well, he loved his boat.And when I say he loved it, I mean he LOOOOVED it.Like if my mom were to ever give him an ultimatum and say it’s either me or the boat, he might actually take a minute to think it over!It seemed like every time I came to the house he’d catch me before I got in the door, eager to show off the new toy or gadget he’d bought for it.Eyes shining and full of excitement he’d say, “Did you see the new seat I bought for the boat?Come look!”Before I could open my mouth to respond, he was already dragging me across the yard-and with a flourish of his arms that would make even the “Price is Right” girls proud, he’d puff up his chest with pride and say, “So…what do you think?!”
“It’s nice Dad.”
“Nice?Are you getting a good look at it?”
“Yeah I can see it fine, but it’s just a seat…”
“What do you mean just a seat? Do you know how long it took me to find this online?Here, you just need to climb up and get a feel for it.”
“Dad, I don’t want to climb up there.”
“Sure you do, come on!” And with that, I was yanked up into the boat and unceremoniously plopped down onto the seat.And I couldn’t help but to laugh because the look on his face told it all…he was supremely confident that once my butt hit that cushion, I would be as excited and giddy as he was.
Then, if it wasn’t the seat that had him grinning like a fool, it was the new trolling motor.Lord I think we actually heard about that one for DAYS!!!At one point I remember him even breaking out the owner’s manual at the dinner table and reading to us from it, telling us all the cool things he could do, especially with the little remote that strapped to his wrist like a watch.
But…that was Dad.It never took much to make him happy…he was just naturally excited and fulfilled by life.Whether it was something as small as a new boat seat or the 15 minutes of time he got me all to himself while trying to convince me my butt was much comfier in this seat than in the last…those were the things he cherished most.My father was an amazing Dad and Grandfather and I will ALWAYS carry the picture in my heart of his huge grin and the sheer happiness and excitement that radiated from him when he had us all together.
And if he were still here right now, I would gladly climb onto that boat seat with no complaints and tell him that it was the most amazing seat I had ever laid eyes on….